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Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher know all about love. Their children and family friends say the Craven County, North Carolina couple, married now for 84 years, has been an example for a lifetime.
“If there was ever love, it’s between my parents,” said Norma Godette, one of the Fisher’s five children. “By example, they have taught us how to treat others as we would like to be treated and to live our lives according to the Ten Commandments,” Godette told BlackAmericaweb.com. “They taught us to love and respect everyone.”
Their long life of togetherness has earned them the distinction of being listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the longest married living couple. Their grand daughter, Iris Godette guided the family through the process to gain the recognition.
The Fishers still are very active, Norma Godette said. “He goes to church every Sunday,” she said of her 103-year-old father. He’s a longtime member of Pilgrim Chapel Missionary Baptist Church. Her mother, a longtime member of Jones Chapel A.M.E. Zion Church, has been moving a bit slower lately, she said, so she doesn’t get out to church as often.
Just as they have much of their lives, the Fishers spend their days together.
“They sit out and watch the traffic. They make company for themselves,” Norma Godette said.
Her father’s hearing is fading, but it doesn’t slow him down. “We took him to the specialist, but the specialist said ‘hearing can wear out. He’s 103,’” Godette said.
At a time when the Census Bureau projects that 6,000 people in America get married every day, only 6 percent of women have been married 50 years or more. The Fishers’ lifelong is commitment is an example of what can happen, still today, counselors and experts say.
“It is about the depth of the friendship,” says Alduan Tartt, an Atlanta-based psychologist who specializes in relationship counseling and coaching.
“I get a lot of people coming in here, because they want to divorce-proof their relationship. They ask, ‘What can we do now to help make sure that we stay together?’” Tartt said.
He tells couples to learn to work out their disagreements and talk through the issues.
“It’s not unusual for two people to disagree, but you have to work through it. If you are friends, you can,” Tartt told BlackAmericaweb.com.
The Fishers have that kind of relationship, Godette said. “You can’t say something to one of them about the other; they would just keep quiet,” she said.
As children growing up in the James City community, the Fishers developed a friendship that turned into a lifetime. They still live on the same home site where they have been for years.
According to Shayla Williams, author of two books – D.I.V.A. Don’t Get Played, for single women and Mama D.I.V.A. Don’t Get Played for single mom , the bottom line is simple. We have to get back to some of the old values, she said.
“Sometimes I find that women don’t know how to allow the man to be a man. And sometimes, men don’t know how to treat a woman,” Williams told BlackAmericaweb.com.
“I know I may catch some flack for this, but you have to look at the roles men and women play in a relationship. I am all for women making equal pay, but when it comes to relationships the roles are not equal,” she said.
The key to a successful relationship is compromise, Williams said. “You have to be willing to accept a person for who they are and where they are.”